{from the archives}
Pregnancy for me is not a beautiful, ripe, created by God for the wonder of the earth situation. For me it looks something like this:
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central line dressing kit{to be changed by an in-home nurse, or my husband. weekly}
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It's literally survival-of-the-fittest, and if mother nature had her way, I would be long gone by now. I try to keep it pretty light on Petit Elefant, but I've been thinking about the cost of parenthood recently, and I think it's a topic worth exploring a little. I'm not sure why I've been thinking about it, although it might have something to do with the fact that my four-year-old C {who caused all the trouble in the first place} is fascinated by the scarring all over my arms and wants to know where it came from. I have no qualms about telling him
"it came from you baby, all the scarring came from you."
The crazy thing is that even though I spent a year of my life in bed, on the verge of meeting my maker, I would do it again in a heartbeat if I could get another little C out of the deal.
I'm curious, to what lengths do the rest of you go to have babies? Was it accidental and you're still trying to find your way out of it? Are you one of those beautiful, glowing pregnant women? Or did you, like me, have to fight tooth and nail for each baby you have?
{I made this test multiple choice; you know, to make it a little easier on you}
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35 comments:
Aren't we so grateful for modern technology/medicine? I work in L&D and see situations frequently that would have ended horribly if they had been at home or before technology.
I am glad you have made it through happy and healthy!
Wow! I am so grateful for modern medicine but also believe greatly in the power of prayer!! I didn't have the same experience as you. But I did go through a tough pregnancy with my second. I posted it about on my blog if you would like to check it out.
http://5faithfullyyours.blogspot.com/2009/09/because-of-you.html
Once I managed to get pregnant, things were pretty great besides some icky gestational diabetes and a rough delivery. Getting pregnant, on the other hand, definitely puts me in the "fight tooth and nail" category: three years of infertility treatments was no fun. I'm just hoping that the next one goes a little smoother.
I get pregnant easily and immediately. However, my very first pregnancy ended in miscarriage so in every subsequent pregnancy the first trimester I'm emotionally fragile. The first three kids were effortless, but right after becoming pregnant with #4 I was gripped by horrible PRE-partum psychosis. I was gripped with depression, to the degree of self injury and I ended up in an outpatient psych ward for 10 weeks. I got a gorgeous (and insanely happy) son out of the deal. #5 was a happy accident until 13 weeks gestation when an U/S showed a massive 11 mm cystic hygroma which in even much smaller forms (3-5 mm.) is the harbinger of devastating birth defects and/or death. We proceded with the pregnancy and by the grace of God our daughter stunned doctors by beating the odds. She is a beautiful and 100% healthy baby who was one of the few, blessed 15% of babies who survive such a defect. So, it's been a mixed bag but every time a miracle. I'd love more, but I'm over 40, I've had 5 c-sections, and the last 2 pregnancies were emotionally exhausting so...I think we're done. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time with C. It really seems like pregnancy should be "off limits" for any and all bad things, but you got one heck of a cute prize for your efforts :)
I am one of the lucky ones that gets pregnant easily and has those storybook pregnancies. (Knock on wood.) Since, I am one of the lucky ones, I would do it over and over again, even for others. Too bad surrogacy is illegal in my state.
Sarah,
Oh, you must see the worst. Apparently PICC lines aren't as common now as they were even 5 years ago. I'm lucky I made it out alive.
Iman,
I'm more grateful for modern medicine than I can even articulate. Thanks for sharing your story, your daughter is BEAUTIFUL.
C,
Isn't it amazing what we go through to get these babies? It took me 3 years to get pregnant with C, and I understand the heartache, there's a lot of it.
Breeders Digest,
Wowza. Holy horrible, I sort of empathize with some of it. 5 C-sections is a whole lot, and all your other stuff is rough too. Darling kids though!
Kimm,
Holy Moley, illegal? I've spent a lot of time looking into surrogacy, it's something I haven't entirely eliminated from my head. It's awesome that you have great pregnancies, seriously!
Oh, how awful. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. You make my miserable pregnancy experiences seem like a walk in the park.
My sister-in-law absolutely gushes over how much she loooooved being pregnant, what a beautiful time in her life it was, etc, etc, etc. I, on the other hand, hate pregnancy with all of it's morning sickness, obscene heartburn, weight gain, and worst of all, the complete disappearance of my libido for 9 whole months. (TMI?)
But - my son was so so so worth it. And I will do it again, at least a few more times.
I like you am very fragile during pregnancy. We didn't realize just how fragile until the last pregnancy where we had more information going in. There were daily injections (blood thinners) and never ending doctor visits. I know with my logical brain that pregnancy is risky for me and each year that passes as I get older the complications and risks increase. But my heart just can't wrap around the thought of cutting off the life line of creation.
Lindsey,
There's nothing trivial about the problems even a healthy pregnant woman experiences, it's all a trial no matter how hard.
P.S. It's never TMI with me ;)
MiaKatia,
It's the hardest decision I've ever made, and I struggle with it every. single. day.
Wow, amazing. I've got it pretty easy, but maybe harder than some. I have 4 and with each I get painful vericose veins and bad reflux. I have to wear support hose that are itchy. But, my last 3 have been 3-4 weeks early completely healthy, so shorter pregnancies are nice. What happened with your son? Is there a post about it? Thanks for the comment on my blog, I just found yours and look forward to hearing more from you.
Kristen in Austin
This doesn't have anything to do with anything. BUT did you know Target is carrying e.l.f. cosmetics?!?! They are selling a smokey eye kit for 5 bucks! shadows, liner, smudger, mascara, AND eyelash curler! Shut the front door!
My drama is the actual COST of the pregnancy. With our little guy we didn't have maternity coverage on our insurance so we're paying for a c-section out of pocket.
I'm pretty sure my son will end up paying for his own delivery when he can get an after-school job, since I'm sure we won't have it paid off by then!
He's worth every penny, though.
I love this topic, because the trials of motherhood begin LONG before you actually get pregnant.
For me it was 2 consecutive miscarriages, 2 D&C's, a rare blood type diagnosis, a lot of doctors shaking their heads at me and throwing their hands in the air, a lot of "well we'll just see this next time", basically a lot of fear and faith.
Then finally, a pregnancy that made it beyond 8 weeks, lasted another 31, and ended with the relatively easy and uncomplicated delivery of my beautiful baby boy. He is my miracle however cliched that may sound, and he made it all worth it. It was magical and I can't wait to do it again.
I meant to say the trials begin long before you actually get pregnant, or start the process of trying to add to your family. I don't mean to imply that motherhood begins with getting pregnant, many women don't even experience that at all and alternate routes are often necessary, *wink!
I commented on your original post about my daughter who was born at 30 weeks. They thought she was a fluke thing since they couldn't figure out why she was born. Since then I have had 2 miscarriages (both within the past few months). I am now thinking I may be in the fighting tooth and nail category, though I haven't had experiences nearly as bad as some. So we shall see what the future brings in the pregnancy department for me.
I am too familiar with those needles, but I would do it all again if it worked out for me.
We were married a long time before we were able to have children. I was sick for 7 months with my second. It was worth every minute of kneeling to the porcelain god.
I have three children. The first was a breeze except for the last couple of weeks when I thought my body would collaspe under the weight of his bogy. He was a 9 pounder. The second one I threw up just about every day and spent many hours in the ER getting fluids pumped back into me. The third one was special though no complications to me he had a heart condition which required me to go to the Dr. just about every week after 20 weeks for evaluation to make sure he was ok. I am not a glowing pregnant woman I also looked just a little spit out and I have never gained my skinny body back despite enduring nasty diet after nasty diet. I would just love to be a size 10 instead of a 14, but I would do it all over again because there is nothing like the love that comes from my children.
Nothing quite like that. Took me a few years with each (and some clomid) but I wasn't really sick until this third pregnancy. And still nothing like you went through--just still throwing up and feeling awful at 23 weeks. I'm grateful for babies but boy do I HATE being pregnant.
Found you from PW- you are going to be clobbered with hits today!
Love this post as I am a realist. I'm a breast cancer survivor and am looking at getting my chemofried eggs to work so I can make me some babies! Well after I get married next month. My clock is ticking.
Thank you so much for being so honest!!
Baaah! Saw you on PW!
Um, I think I'm going to start stalking you now. I just wanted you to know that.
November must be a time to admit/expose how hard pregnancy and motherhood truly is! You are the second blog that I've visited that have expressed the not so happy things with it. It seems like blogs are like the cheery Christmas letters that everyone sends out each year that only tell the happy things (because you never share the bumpy roads!) that make it appear that life is hunky dory. I wish people were more honest about pregnancy and motherhood! I would have been a little more prepared.
I have a beautiful four week old and would do it all over again for her but there were rough times. I didn't get sick or have medical problems, but it really messes with your self esteem.
I believe in loving your body but it was hard to swallow gaining 13 pounds in one month when the books say you should only gain 20-25. The red, fierce stretchmarks are not disappearing fast enough. And didn't everyone say that the weight will just melt off if you breastfeed?
All of the physical changes are worth it but I wasn't prepared. I sure wasn't prepared for the exhausting nights or long bouts of crying either.
This is such a great discussion! I think it is so interesting how everyone has her own unique experiences, but the emotions surrounding them overlap so we're able to empathize and relate.
My first three pregnancies were "easy." But number four and five were definitely in the category of "hard." Would I do it again? Maybe.
OUCH! I loved both my pregnancies - didn't want them to end. the beginning was always rough but then it was just plain awesome to know my babies were with me at all times... and I couldn't hear them whining! haha.
after my second (and last!) pregnancy I ended up in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. made it out alive but it was advised I not get pregnant again or it would be daily shots, bed rest and still no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again... semi-diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder.
not worth it for many reasons... (1) I have two beautiful kids to take care of and (2) adoption was always part of our plan. sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to go through all the work and injections, but most of the time I'm very comfortable in my decision.
I wish I had a more positive association with pregnancy. I've spent much of the past year doing nightly injections, lab tests and ultrasounds every few days and then finally, when everything was 'ripe and ready' inseminations. No matter where I am, 8 p.m. rolls around and it's time for an injection that I have to mix up myself. Last spring all of the hard work actually paid off and I finally got pregnant. No complaining about horrible morning sickness for me. I was just so happy to finally be pregnant...and then I miscarried 10 weeks later. I'm currently recovering from a second miscarriage. So, after 2 years of trying, I'm FINALLY getting pregnant, but it's not sticking around. Small steps to progress I tell you. It's so much harder than I ever thought (for LOTS of reasons) but I know in the end it will be worth it.
Good luck to you. I really enjoy your blog!
Former infertile here... I can get pregnant, I just don't STAY pregnant. We had one, and then after 5 years adopted two more (including one "suprise" adoption..did you know that can happen?) Then we found out we were pregnant AGAIN!! (our last three all came in three years, we went from having no kids to LOTS).
For me, I do pregnancy pretty well, but three of my KIDS wouldn't have made it if we didn't have the doctors that we have today. One was a 30 weeker, one has Down Syndrome..... we have some major stuff with these kids and they are all alive and THRIVING thanks to wonderful doctors. So, while I would have made it, I wouldn't have been a mamma... so I am eternally thankful for that...
Getting PG was a two year process.. being PG was a medical nightmare that I sort of enjoyed because hey I was PG!! It ended with insulin, c-section, nicu and ppd but I would do anything to do it again. Now 2 MC and 1 failed IVF later I feel like I will never get to do it again.
i am like you. i have had two babies doing the IV thing. i want more, i am scared to death, but getting ready try for it again. tears are coming just while thinking about it.
Wow, we do pay prices don't we?
I was horribly sick the last month of my 1st pregnancy. The doctor thought it was just pregnancy sick. But I actually lost about 5 pounds, because I couldn't eat., vomitting, etc, etc. I was induced the day after my due date and had a beautiful healthy baby girl. I remember thinking though that no one tells you how crappy you feel that week after - cramping, abdominal pain, ringing in my ears. . .
I took my baby in for her 5 day check up and asked if anyone was going to look at me I felt so bad. 5 days after that, the day after Christmas, I went to the hospital had a BP of 180/130 and ended having post-partum eclampsia. Yep 2 major seizures in the ER. One night in ICU with a port in my neck for the magnesium sulfate to go straight to my heart. It also turned out I had a blood clot in my ovarian vein (spent 10 days in hospital with heparin drip) and lost the hearing in my left ear (most likely small stroke in inner ear). Then followed by weeks of self-injections of lovenox, bp meds, and a spinal tap headache...
I mostly recovered, thanks to prayers, blessings and overall good health. And then went on to do it again! I KNOW! crazy. Luckily #2 went swimmingly. I also had high-risk doctors, I knew what to look for and had some pre-conception counseling that helped allay my fears.
Now a baby aspirin a day + my prenatals # 3 will be here in May. I'm so happy about it and I love my kids - they may not ever understand what I've gone through to get them here, but one day when they are parents, I hope they'll get a glimpse. And be happy they've had the chance to sacrifice for their kids too.
PS - wow. That was a long comment. sorry! I hope you are feeling well!
thanks. i SO needed this reminder at this exact moment in time.
i was just fitfully getting my two girls asleep wondering how the world i'm going to do this when this little boy comes along in just over 2 months. and was seriously thinking tonight was going to be one of those crying myself to sleep nights.
a mother of 3? working fulltime? with an airline pilot husband? and trying to at the very least manage it all?
and this was a perfect reminder of just how lucky i am. thanks. i needed that.
Another PW transplant here.
We tried for years to get pregnant and miscarried twice. I had given up hope completely when surprise! We found out on our 8th wedding anniversary.
I so wanted to be one of those glowy pregnant women. I had looked forward to this time and I will tell you it sucked rocks! Starting at about 8 weeks the relaxin kicked in and I had SPD so badly I could hardly even walk. I felt like I was being ripped in half every time I walked, sat down, stood up, climbed in bed or tried to roll over. My midwife suggested a chiropractor at about 15 or 16 weeks. I had bi-weekly visits for awhile which helped immensely and then weekly visits through the rest of my pregnancy. That was a life saver.
Along with the PSD I grappled with depression and threw up a lot. It wasn't the normal throwing up. It was violent retching that left me weak and trembling. I had a few weeks of brief relief but for the most part it was my entire pregnancy.
The last 3 weeks of pregnancy after my daughter dropped was complete bliss. I so did not want it to be over. Everyone told me that the end is when you can't wait to be done, I didn't want it to end. I finally quit hurting and throwing up. Little did I know the real battle was about to begin.
Fought long and hard for my two girls. Just in different ways. A lot of it on my knees, and most of last winter on bed rest and in terror. Sort of envy those for whom it comes so easy. But I also think I appreciate some of it more because of my struggles. What a blessing your C must be to you!
tooth and nail. nuff said.
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